chacilcoe

im stupid.im dumb.im tired.and i got an awful headache.cigarettes keep my mind at ease momentarily.sleep keeps my mind refreshed for the new day.haven’t getting those two nowadays.deprivation is killing me. when is pay coming in.nt that i care since i don’t need the extra money.

who cares if im here or not? the person i waited for has found someone. the person i’m waiting for is going away soon. the person i don’t bother thinking about is haunting me.haish.this stupid headache is killing me softly.

until next time,
squeaky2.

damn.

damn you.damn him.damn everyone.why is the thought of damnation in my head.i’ll tell you.
this is the last time i’m lending anyone anything anymore. i know it’s just notes.but what the fuck.everything seems to go wrong all the time.

i’m trying to refrain myself from doing anything stupid. i’m trying to control my anger. i cannot afford to feel infuriated over things.i’m afraid of him. but seriously, my heart’s thumping so hard it’s like everything’s being pulled down by gravity.it feels heavy and my heart feels like it can drop anytime. i really don’t know how to explain the level of emotion i’m in now. i think if she were here,she’d freak out seeing me like this. i hope i don’t see her with my current expression later.i pray that nothing happens.there’s a plant visit later.i guess i should visit the class before to find my lecture notes.

until next time,
squeaky2.

kwueh..

more than a week since i last updated.well nothing much happened during that week. i’m still the usual slacker in school. it’s like i’m going to school just for the sake of attendance. i don’t even listen in lectures, always sleep in class, feels that it’s troublesome to do tutorials. if i feel like it, i listen. if not, it’s either i doze off or leave the class after attendance has been taken. the funny thing is, my classmates asking me how to explain certain things. what’s even funnier is that i understood what was taught even though i sleep in class. i wonder how i manage to reach 2nd year with this kind of attitude.pure luck i guess. haha.

i finally picked up dance.it’s hard to believe, but well, it is true. i didn’t expect myself to be committed to dancesport. and because of this, i neglected tennis.ahha.(not that im good at it anyway).good thing my dance partner is maimai(she labels me as her lesbian partner.haha).there’s a dance competition coming up in june(not sure when is it). even the seniors in dancesport encouraging ME to participate. hahaha. it really is great to get encouragement. appreciation is the key to maintaining and enhancing self-esteem.huhuhu.

i’m not good-looking.so? if you don’t want me,go find someone better.

even though i’m not really the type to get jealous over anything(not anymore), i DO get jealous at times.espiecially when it comes directly from someone else’s mouth. but what do i care. everyone has freedom of speech.i should keep that in mind.

yeah,so we’ve been dating for 1 month or so. one thing i find her is that she doesn’t really like to get angry and is very apologetic. which is a good thing. i guess i can’t accept it. nevertheless, everyone is unique in their own way and im slowly accepting facts.she doesn’t like it when i say ‘whatever makes you happy’. whywhywhywhywhywhy???????hahahaha. i really cherish her alot but she told me she’s not ready. she told me not to wait and find someone else. but there’s something about her worth waiting for.i don’t know.

untilnext time,
squeaky2.

sick

probably nothing much but i guess it’s pretty obvious.
im sick.since sunday.it’s rare for me to get sick on any other days except sunday. maybe the fatigue’s getting the better of me. mai was right, i am way more stubborn than she is.
now is wednesday.4 days i’ve been sick. i don’t want to go to the doctor. i am so dead.

until next time,
squeaky2.

stick to it.

no matter how sucky i may be at sports(due to my low activity in that.i can’t be bothered)..im still gonna stick to tennis.i dun bother about cca points.but i know alot of people out there are way better than me.time to train up again.

until next time,
squeaky2.

it was a fun day

i haven’t added in the good parts to my previous post.so yeah.

i didn’t really have any plans ytd.but what the heck.my laptop just popped off in front of me.and i got a bit frustrated.so went out.was planning to go yck but ended up going orchard.i played pool alone,arcade games, went down to my workplace.busy as usual.but since it was labour day.nothing unexpected though. she got pissed off by her friends. so i went to meet up and talked to her about it. she really is well-loved by her friends.as for me.who wanna care so much uh.was hungry.she TREATED me to RAMEN TEN..just the two of us.i was gonna pay.then she paid everything.like omg lah.so sweet. i guess its been a very long time since someone(not blood related) actually treated me to something expensive.thank you (: i really enjoyed it. brought her to my dad’s house and played with my sisters for a while.and so she saw my bloated tummy for the first time.haha.then i sent her back.it was really an enjoyable day for me.but on the back home.someting happened.and thus i prepared to wear my mask anytime soon.

until next time,
squeaky2.

i really thought.

i guess it was too much for me to handle.
school,work,myself,family,friends..
all this seems to take alot out of me.
i really thought i could take it all in my stride as i used to in secondary school.
poly life.i didn’t anticipate anything.i wasn’t surprised at the kind of ambience.
but i was shocked that everything wasn’t going well after the 1st year.
im trying to buck up what the fuck.
now i have one more thing to add.
it really is fucked up.everything seems to feel so right.
but it ends up turning the other way around.
i really am smiling and laughing to hide my true feelings.
huh,so much for courage.you’re a stupid fuck.
i’m being pessimistic again.as usual. and you,why did you come back?of all the times you could come back and haunt me.why now?

i really thought i was gonna be the happiest guy in the world.i was wrong. well,one lesson learnt.everyone has a mask.

fuck all this crap and let me die in peace.
until next time,
squeaky2.