it’s been a while

too long i suppose. i wasn’t on hiatus or anything. i was just preoccupied with school and work that i even find my 2-3am usual blogging routine very troublesome. besides,nothing interesting ever happens to me ever since. it’s been the usual schooltime, crap like what the fuck everyone talking kinda jokes, work go up down left right centre.home’s still a bore since everyone’s so grown up and doing their own stuff. i’m already 20 this year, but it feels like i’m still acting like a small brat in fucking dire need of attention. well, everyone needs it once in a while i suppose. friends come and go, die in front of my eyes, bitch about me, stabbing me everywhere.its all plain mundane and it happens oh so frequently that it becomes an “almost-everyday” routine.at times, i just want to sit and think nothing but one thing. but everything’s whizzing through my brain like a choo-choo train. and did you know i had a cough since my birthday?up till now, maybe my stubbornness caused me to drag my illness till this point. record 17 days coughing non-stop.oh well, as usual, instead of using my money to go see the doctor, i used it to help someone for her last therapy session.
you know the funny thing is, she doesn’t need me when im around.but when i am at my most troubled point, she comes so suddenly and asks for help. i could’ve said and i don’t have any responsibility towards her. so why am i still obliged to help her ,despite the troubles that i myself am facing right?yeah, another thing, when you plan something with me stick with it, don’t go and ask other people to tell me last minute that “i got someone else to go with me. sorry for the trouble”…you said that many times and yet you still back to ask for help. you will never know how much pain it took for me to find ways to help you…i’m doing this  all but i have yet to find a reason.why am i helping you anyway?i know it’s not friendship because it’s gone way beyond that.i just hope that you won’t make me worry anymore and you,as a human, keep to your word. cos i know i keep to mine now. my past will never be erased but that’s my marginal point of realising what a fool i’ve been to have left the people i vowed to cherish. people don’t notice, but i’m actually fighting against something in my body and it’s not good. maybe tomorrow, i might just leave this world, and well. i try to assume at least she’s gonna be happy when i leave after torturing her most of the time for..MORE THAN A YEAR…but hey, she’s gonna say…”the past is the past. i’ve already forgiven you. the problem is you haven’t forgiven yourself. move on in life lah.memang kau kepaler batu dari dulu.i guess there ain’t changing that hard-headedness of yours.”

i should thank my “hard-headedness” for making me come this far. too stubborn to not look forward.even more stubborn to look back.urgh, headache..you know its hard trying to maintain a serious look while typing this kinda important issues.HAHAHAHA!

well,anyways. things are sure gonna go back to normal soon uh..i don’t have to worry so much cos i got pack of ciggies with me, friends all around me and someone to look forward to in the near future. (=
after ns, things are gonna change a whole lot WORST if i don’t something about it now!hahaha

and guys, don’t think about it. “yeah!i do agree with you!” just shut up.

until next time,
squea…..neh…
CHANGE OVER!
Rasyiqim Andi Satria.

apolilogies

well,it’s been quite a while since i last blogged.
many things have happened.well,not really..it’s just the same old same old weariness everyday.
sleep.eat.school.work.smoke.laptop.
kinda like my everyday routine nowadays.
now i have one more thing to add.
girls.
or maybe just singular.
girl.
need to try to squeeze her into my already oh so busy schedule.
nonetheless, anything for girl okay?
by the way, if people has been to my facebook account and seen the change in status.
stop asking who it is.
if i have one, i’ll tell you.
but i don’t have one now  sheesh.
people assume too much.
im not hotstuff or mr nice guy to get a lover so easily.
sure i got loads of girl-friends.
but i don’t have a girlfriend

oh well, im working closing later at 4pm..maybe should come down earlier..or maybe..

until next time,
squeaky2.

mesopotamia

i’ve decided to fully manage my time wisely…
morning go to school like a good boy.
evening come down to work.
reach home 2am and do my work till finish..
sleep by 4am.
wake up at 6am to prepare for school.
and the cycle goes on and on for 3 weekdays and the weekends.
i hope my holidays are really holidays

i find people nowadays tend to be rather spoilt brats.

until next time,
squeaky2.

love it like hell or hate it till heaven

slowly i lost the passion..the passion to smile with sincerity(i’ve been doing it okay..)
but nowadays,it seems my smiles are either used to bear my sorrows or are simply wasted on stupid girls.
don’t try to pin a tail on my ass and start questioning me about this.
i won’t bother anymore. in fact, i’ve always been bothered by negative comments sometimes i wonder why people bother to comment so badly in the first place.
unless i did something to that person, who’re they to think that i’m all to blame when they don’t even know the fuck about it.
things just seem to go the opposite direction everytime i try to step it up a notch.
it’s like, having your feelings set up so high and happy and before you know it, everything crashes down. from heaven to hell in a sense of distance.
it would’ve been better if i didn’t try to smile than to have smiled at all.
at least people know me to never be the joking kind.
everytime i smile, people are happy and they end up not taking me seriously.
but when i don’t smile, people take me too seriously and end up being scared.

humans have such complicated minds. all i want is to just be happy with one fucking person…just ONE fucking person. too much to ask? then nevermind. i’ll grow to be kick-ass rich..i wanna get a 3 storey bungalow(basement+2 floors) and live with my mummy. the rest can just go fuck themselves upside down. think you’re worth it being with me..fuck yourself.all i ever did was care and you guys just throw me by the side like im not even needed anymore. stupid ass motherfuckers.

girls have a way more complicated mind than guys.unfortunately, many see me think as complicated as a girl. im a guy with huge emotional disorders due to stupid unreasonable rejections and a very weak and soft heart. if you can’t even take care of that, you have a fat chance of trying to make my whole self yours.

until next time,
squeaky2 kinda pissed off already.going operation.

gone like the wind.

i officially declare myself to have lost all sense of sociability. sure it’s juggling between school and work…but school is already time-consuming due to heavy modules.and work’s kinda putting pressure to commit. sure i just complain and complain and i end up helping.but in the end, im at the losing end. shouldn’t have joined work in the first place.hmph.

chis berderbar..

i am so sleepy..hahah..oh well..its nothing really..not that i care anyway…sheesh
i’m seriously oblivious to what i’m typing so just ignore the update for today k?
speaking in a very low tone is roughing up my voice box. so unglamorous and not very sexy!

until next time,
squeaky2.

i still got time.it’s just a day.

should i be wasting my time doing unnecessary things which do not account for my future?i shouldn’t right? then again, i have a commitment to keep.and i keep to my word. though i don’t promise(rare occassions).

so anyways,

today nothing much. only had 2 hour lesson.ended up playing bomberman with my classmates during lecture. so yeah..whole lesson never listened.the game’s fucking addictive.then..

work..shan’t talk about it.it was fun in the end.kecoh finish up things just to chase the transport.hahahhaha

im not sleepy.just bloody tired.not getting enough sleep actually.oh well, i shan’t complain. i have to remember im doing things with sincerity.but there’s no denying the fact that i’m a hypocrite(even if i don’t want to admit it till i die)

until next time,
squeaky2.

slave 4 you

totally addicted to britney spears’ Slave 4 You.
though my intention was to get the choreography and not the song itself.
nevertheless,the song has a rather unique meaning to it.
anyways, today was bad,considering that i got dissed by someone.

i don’t really wanna talk about that part cos i don’t want to waste my time dwelling about it.
basically, didn’t go to school cos i woke up late -.-”
decided to meet up with girlfriend for fun,joy and laughter..
then now i’m at home, trying to fight for my life(due to fatigue) to finish up my assignments.
now i’m starting to hate work for making me tired, school for the fucked up workload, home for making me feel lonely most of the time and myself, for being such an evil person. i’ve never forgiven my past yet.i just forget about it.
somehow, it’s not easy.having to try and forgive myself for 3 years for all the sins i did for 3 years.

i’m a slave 4 you

p.s/i made a new word at work whenever i get pissed off by assholic customers.
babi unta kepala pundek.

until next time,
squeaky2.

fatigue and migraine

i hate work.
i hate school.
but i still love my family.who doesn’t right?
been skipping school these past few days.
i must make full use of the night to do my work while i go to school in the morning..
but gosh, my stamina’s like deproving at an alarming rate.i don’t even have time to go to the gym..
seems like everything’s turned to a load of crap.

until next time,
squeaky2.

chicken ham and airpork

like i say, my title has got nothing to do with what i write. so if you really wonder what i’m gonna write about based on the title. you’re either ignorant or plain dumb. i repeated this quite a number of times in the past.

anyways, nothing much to blog. the usual school/work/home routine. i haven’t been doing my homework/assignments lately..and frankly, i need to go out soon. i don’t want to get caught up in work and school all the time. but i’m only free on evenings. and because of my unfortunate “being committed to something” character,i end up occupying my time working..AIN!

i know i didn’t promise anything about watching 2012 together..but i did say we’ll watch it one day.. so on the 13th make yourself free k?after movies we go the beach to bitch around again hahahah i really love the sea. makes me calm..the only thing left to make it perfect is to walk along the beach.

i think my life’s gonna turn upside and down.

until next time,
squeaky2.